I have been writing up a storm (off the blog) and thought I would share this little snippet today:
They say we meet everyone in our life for a reason. I remember the exact moment I whole-heartedly believed this statement. We were sitting in a restaurant, my new friend Kelly and I. Sweaty palmed and my stomach turning, I was still very, very uncomfortable in restaurants and I abhorred eating with people. Kelly closed her eyes upon her first bite of fancy food and as she slowly chewed, she smiled. I hadn’t done that genuinely since I could remember.
She ate like this: chew, close eyes, smile, laugh, describe a panel of flavors that I had no understanding of, use her hands to describe the flavors further, nod head, and smile some more- our entire meal. It was like watching the sunset. Or hearing one of your favorite songs. Or watching kids dance. It was perfect.
It was the first time in a long time, that I realized just how much the eating disorder was making me miss out on. I had said no to sharing a meal with someone too many times to count. I forgot that food had flavor, color, texture, and that eating could be pleasurable. I forgot how food could bring people together. Food had become a stressor, a number, willpower, an amount of time on the treadmill, and an anxiety. I clung to the eating disorder for a long time because I was convinced that my life was better when I was in control. What I didn’t see, is that I no longer had any control.
Long story short…my friendship with Kelly blossomed. I had never really met a woman like her: unapologetic, in love with good food, comfortable in her own skin, and strong. It was as if she had mastered the art of not giving a shit.
I use this story to remind myself (and others that may need a reminder) that there is so much more to life than being hard on yourself. There is so much more to life than striving for perfection. There are so many things to be grateful for.
Looking back, I realize that many people have helped me recover. I realize how incredibly blessed I am. I bow down to the people that showed me love and complete acceptance. Every day, I try to remember these individuals and send them gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. The more alone we think we are, the farther from the truth we get. The more we try to control and perfect, the more out of control we become.
We all have so much more power than we think we have. Every encounter you have with someone is an opportunity to fill them with positive energy. My friend Kelly built me up by loving herself. She empowered me by treating her body well and being passionate about food. Being yourself isn’t just liberating and real, it is powerful beyond belief.
I guess what I am trying to say is thank you! Thank you to those of you brave enough to be you and thank you for inspiring me. THANK YOU!
I can’t seem to say it enough.